dear gwen, i want my husband back

So I was reading my journal. Always a mistake for me. My god, I'm a bitchy-bitch. Why do people like me? I became concerned when I decided to go an hour without saying something unpleasant at work. I clipped a timer to my hip and tried. I really tried. 34 minutes and 29 seconds of biting my tongue because it actually takes an enormous amount of conscious effort to stop myself from saying something nasty. Like, why can't I just be happy to be alive and mostly healthy? I have a job that I enjoy, coworkers who don't inspire homicidal rage and a boss who happens to be crazy in the way that I can relate to, yet I can bitch for hours about work somehow. I don't know when I became so negative, but it has to stop. I don't typically do resolutions because, well, just because. I guess it seems like a cop-out. Like, I can be a complete, slovenly dick for the entire year but on January 1st, I'm going to resolve to quit smoking, eat right and stop biting my nails all at once? Likely.
But let's pretend that I never said that. I'm going to resolve to be more pleasant. I hope I can make it for longer than 34 minutes and 29 seconds this time.

Completely unrelated, can someone tell me why Gwen Stefani is assaulting us with her solo debut? What, like being the front woman of a band that was apparently dedicated to making Gwen remarkably famous while no one gave a shit about the rest of the band was stifling her creative growth? Did she get another band to play the music on her album? And if so, will someone please find her and tell her that's gross?

Did I fuck up on my resolution already?