part-time lover

With the considerable amount of crushes that I develop on women, my friends ask me why I won't date any of them. The answer is pretty simple: Women are shady. That's it. Sure, guys are jerks and pretty much none of them my age have any home training and what have you, but women have trifiling down to an art. I suspect that it's because we're smarter, but that is coming from a woman who always forgets when to attach an apostrophe s to 'it' as opposed to just an s.

I fell in love with a woman. Exactly one. She was the most beautiful person on the planet, no contest. Totally not my type with all of that blond hair, blue eyed thing going on. But you know when someone is so fucking cute that you could just eat their face? Yeah. Angela was so that cute. We dated and it was sweet and wonderful and terrific and then she broke up with me for her supposed ex-boyfriend who she had actually beens eeing for months before she decided to tell me. Who does that shit, really? Anyway, the story has an actual tragic ending that I would rather not talk about ever again until a therapist pries it out of me because I guess that people should deal with their PTSD or whatever.

And that has pretty much been the standard order of operations for me. I'll meet a girl and she'll pretend that I'm her sun, moon and stars for a few weeks. Then she'll tell me that she has a girlfriend. "Didn't you know?" No, actually. I didn't. Probably because you thoughtfully omitted it from your answer when I asked if you were seeing anyone. What is that? Who are these people that are so shamelessly unfaithful? I mean, I'm not saying this from some moral higher ground. I am a woman and therefore I am totally including myself when I say that women are shady. But these are the people who have guided me into my loss of faith in relationships. Everyone I meet seems to be bored with being a good partner. They want the security of monogamy but they don't want the familiarity. And they don't seem to care that they hurt a lover who is presumably being faithful.

Long story short, this is why I don't date women. Because Hannah waited until her partner was out of town on business before she made her move. Because Vanessa's boyfriend works the late shift. Anna's girlfriend hadn't moved here from Boston just yet. And so on and so forth.

It's not like I'm out there looking for a relationship because I'm really not. I don't typically have problems being with someone who is already seeing someone. That way I know that we are all in it for the same things and no one is being lied to. We all know where we stand. But with these women lately, it seems like they want to have a serious thing with both me and the person that they've been seeing for years, only that other person can not, under any circumstances, find out. It just doesn't work that way with me. I need top or at the very least equal billing. I don't like running around and having girls calling me in the middle of the night threatening to cut me and all that bullshit.

So I guess my real answer is, until I find a woman who isn't on a steady path of trickery and deceit, I guess I'll have to spend my days bitching about how men aren't shit.