i once spent $4.49 on a bottle of champagne

Whenever the internet service gets cut off, I go through a period of self-rediscovery. I learn that I actually enjoy reading in the comfort of my warm bed with a bottle of wine by my side. I learn that fresh air is a powerful and beautiful thing and that I'm more inclined to exercise when I'm not busy stalking the cute waiter on Friendster or browsing pictures of Beyonce. I find out that I still have the video store's copy of Amores Perros under my bed even though I convinced them that I didn't. I learn that music costs money but if I'm buying Mos Def and listening to The Panties on repeat, it's totally okay. I remind myself that tequila sours taste better at The Tunnel than they do anywhere else and that's probably why they cost more, much more. Of course, I relearn that they don't make guys who just want a casual relationship anymore, even if they are already committed to someone else. I remember that most women are haters and that the few that I have in my life are the few that I need.

But it's like I forgot all of those things when a Verizon representative called and told me that our service date had arrived and would I like a router with that? So yes, theoretical audience, I am back. With a bottle of wine and hydrocodone. Breakfast of champions.