i need to move

Sometimes, I wish that this were third grade. You know how it was. When girls were evil not because we wanted someone else's man or job...but just because we could be. We kept it gangsta back in grade school. We would call someone and three-way and engage them in a trash fest about the other girl on the line just so the other girl could be all, "I knew you were talking about me. We're not friends anymore." That sucked. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm not some crazy, cold-hearted bitch. There are just some people that I feel like I need to randomly cut out of my life without having to worry about the aftermath. I don't want to have to deal with the whys and the but how comes. I just want to have a platonic divorce and not have to break down and explain that yes, I am tired of spending money on you. I'm not your husband or your mother. I don't appreciate having to cater to your every emotional need. I am not here to make sure that you're having a great time even though you are clearly determined to have a shitty night.

I don't know why this is coming up. I'm sitting here hating my best friend because when she feels like blowing me off, she just does and it feels awful like back in junior high when your crush slow danced with another girl and you cried in the bathroom stall. I'm regressing in chronological order. I think I need a drink to remind myself that despite the fact that I'm messing around with a boy who just turned 18, I'm supposedly an adult who is legally able to imbibe. Yes. 18. I am prematurely getting my groove back Terry McMillan style. This can't be my midlife crisis already, can it?

I just want to move. To Seattle. And reinvent myself. I feel like it would be a stress reliever. The whole living a lie thing.