beyonce's elle cover made my year

After an awful week, Beyonce on the cover of elle made me want to curl up with it in my arms and die a peaceful death. I don't think I could be more obsessed.

Okay, so because we know that I'm going to have to talk about this, let's get it out of the way. I'm referring to The Apprentice, of course. Hello, like I do anything but work and watch tv. And work some more. And buy jeans. And work some more.

Anyway, why Donald? Why? I hate you and your smirking assistants who obviously just get paid to lick your ass and agree with you on national television. They must love the fifteen week period that the show takes up. It's like a vacation for them. Anyway, my real beef is not with them. Oh no, Donald. It's you. And reality show producers. And the black girls who continue to get bitten by the reality tv bug.

Listen to me and listen good: Black girls and reality television programs are like oil and water. We are not meant to be on national television showing our asses and getting loud and opinionated. Because the shows will get cut in such a way that will paint all black women as crazy. As loose cannons, if you will. Did you not learn from Coral, Omarosa and the one black girl on road rules who got into an actual physical fight with Diego because he called her a bitch like fifty-eleven times and then got sent home with everyone on the cast and in the world thinking that she was insane? Black women, we are a volatile people. We do not sit idly by while people fuck with us and our emotions, and I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. More power to us. We're allowed to express ourselves. But don't you know that editors will have a field day with our outbursts because it makes for terrific entertainment? Sisters, stay away from reality tv. It is not our friend. Why do we need to be televised when a girl pours beer in our weave? See what I'm saying? Producers love this shit. And now I can never get a real job because some dude will be like "She's way qualified but what if she gets all Stacy J. on us?"

And now that I hate all of the remaining women on the show, especially Ivana and the other Stacy, I'm rooting for Mosaic. Good lord, I am too involved.

Wow, there were real things going on in my life completely unrelated to tv. And there were entertaining things going on in my life like the guy who told me that he loved me last night at a club while I was dancing with him. And why are people still wearing poom poom shorts* when they go out? I mean whatever, they should never be worn outside of the house like ever, I don't care what your legs look like. But it is not that nice out anymore. Put some clothes on, girls.

*poom poom shorts: shorts that look like panties; hot pants