sprite commercials lose

I guess if there was ever a time to do some sort of real post/introductory type thing, now's the time.

What to say, what to say...I hate introductory type things. I get anxiety. They are pretentious - always. Self-involved, which I guess is the nature of introducing yourself. I clearly have a fear of coming off as self-involved, although I know that I am and everyone who has ever met me knows that I am. And I suppose anyone who creates a blog in the hopes of anyone giving so much as a half-shit about their daily chronicles has to be to some degree. I am so cute pretending that I use paragraphs.

Anyway. I'm me; a 22 year old waitress/barista/slacker with fading ambition trini girl who everyone mistakes for a local college student. I don't know if I look like one or act like one or whatever, but I am not one. And I will never let you forget it. Mostly because my biggest regret, next to sleeping with a beautiful man from El Salvador, is that I never finished school. I have time. I'm moving on. I am wordy and rambly which is a terrible combination for anyone with ears and to make that worse, I fancy myself a comedienne. Sometimes I love to hear myself complain and I said sometimes when I really mean all of the time. I obsess easily. I look at the keyboard when I type. If I get kissed the right way, all of my resolves crumble. I would give my right arm to find a way to sleep for longer than four hours a night that doesn't involve self-medication. Tarantula tequila is my lover. So is Beyonce, only she seems oblivious to this. In fact, if you hate her, I'll probably spend the better part of four minutes trying to convince you that her thighs = love. I'm not currently seeing anyone and that's mostly because nobody ever told me that I have a romatic expiration date of precisely two weeks. I can't seem to keep anyone interested and I never get to meet mom. When I do, they inevitably hate me and I'm not sure why that is. I am the personification of the age old archetypal girl you can't take home to mama. Hot. I know, right? I have finger toes. Kinda. But not in the unfortunate "I can peel grapes with my feet" way. I hate men in short shorts and people who wear their sunglasses at night. These people should die. I'm kind of negative but I like to think that it is endearing. For someone with awful grammar myself, I can't deal with people with bad grammar habits. Pineapple sundaes are the sex. The Smurfs are still the shit to me. How come no one ever remembers Sassette? I kiss the dogs of strangers. Creepy, I know. I love the idea of being in love but that's because I'm a sucker for romatinc comedies and the Billy Crystal speech in When Harry Met Sally makes me die everytime I see it. Hideki Matsui is like my Japanese Jesus. There is no greater book than Song of Solomon. Pablo Neruda makes me cry. But so do the evening news. I am an emotional being. I'm boring myself to death here. Good night, Moon.