someday i will write for jane

Just when did we as a nation give up on the mass utilization of the spell check? This is simply a question. I mean, it is there for us. People, let me help you. You are one click away from being readable. But what do I know? I rant on maddeningly about The Apprentice, so spelling shouldn't even really matter for me. And speaking of, did we all love how Jen C. was fired? Nice segue, right? Right? Whatever, man.

I'm realizing that we've never touched my absurd obsession with jane magazine. It is an illness. Almost as bad as my infatuations with reality tv and Beyonce. So I love this magazine. I've loved it since Sassy died and we all mourned the loss of a piece of publication produced primarily for women that somehow wasn't Cosmo. But the new layout is upsetting because there's nothing clip out-able anymore. And Mischa Barton on this month's cover? Please. She looks like a corpse and I'm not quite sure how to deal with myself when I'm forced to pretend that her lifeless photo shoot was brilliance. She was not sexy and inspired. She was hungry. Oh wait just kidding - she loves food! What am I saying? I am obviously crazy for saying these things about Mischa what's her face. And I'll save myself any future skinny girl bitch fests because it is so appallingly blatant that these Hollywood starlets are just chowing down their burgers and whatnot. Like, at the beginning of every interview, the otherwise credible journalist is seemingly contractually obliged to mention that when they sat down for the interview, "so and so was polishing off a t-bone with a mound of buttered mashed potatoes, which she washed down with petrified fat," and oh my god doesn't this like, totally mean that Cameron Diaz is like so real? Ladies, please I eat like that. And I run two miles every morning except for Sunday because if god wanted me to run on Sunday, he wouldn't have invented the snooze button. But I digress. My point is that I eat like I really enjoy food once a month or so and I'm not withering away. But maybe I need that good old speedy metabolism like Lara Flynn Count My Bones. I need them to stop promoting bulimia and start admitting that they are still on The Zone or whatever new-fangled diet that permits people to publicly starve themselves.

Look, I got all distracted and forgot what I was going to say. Oh yeah, I love jane. The end.