i think i hate my roommate

I kind of need the romantic-comedy genre to die off. I realize that this means that Meg Ryan could never work again, but that's fine. Meg Ryan and her cosmetically enhanced lips will be okay. But I'm watching When Harry Met Sally before Meg met her surgeon and I'm absolutely dying because I need my own misogynist boyfriend with an obnoxious voice to watch movies with me over the phone when we can't sleep. I know that these movies lull us into a false sense of security about finding The One. And for 90 minutes or so, I believe it. Like The One is going to be right there under my nose or next door or dating my best friend but once they roll the credits, I'm sick to my stomach because I know that I could just as easily end up alone and cold like Daisy, asking people downtown for a dollar. A dollar? I know. Street people are getting bold. Street people is a vulgar term. But does bum sound any better, really? Anyway, I'm 22 and this shouldn't even nearly be an issue but somehow it is because I guess I'm feeling lonely.
This is the best I Love You speech ever by the way.

Why did god make people who chew audibly? Is it so I can have someone to hate when I'm trying to watch a movie and there's nothing else for me to hate? I want to vomit. Or have my roommate's jaw wired shut so she can never eat pasta out loud again. Her boyfriend type person will thank me.

And my cat shit on my favorite shoe. I feel like it's a metaphor for my life somehow. Or it just really fucking sucked. Fin.