i like big butts and i can not lie

I am a terrible blog person. Maybe my ego won't let me post because I don't think that anyone is paying attention. Or maybe my life is too good. When I'm enjoying life, I tend to prefer living it to documenting it. But that is a gross lie. Because I'm not exactly loving life. There's something about supporting my mother and being preemptively dumped that is less than enjoyable. The short-lived almost romance between Hot Lawyer and I is over. Turns out that like every other man I meet, he is married. They were technically separated but he wants to give their marriage another try. There's something about his honesty that makes me want to sleep with him anyway. Just kidding. Well, not really. I'm just saying.

I have nightmares about losing my teeth. Not one by one, but all at once. Like, I dream that I'll wake up and all of my teeth will just be gone. Totally bizarre, I know. But to me that's worse than waking up bald. I mean, a girl can buy hair, you know? But teeth? I wouldn't leave my house if I had no teeth. And I don't have a billion dollars to replace them. So I would just stay home in tears. With no job because the whole, "Sorry, I can't come in because my teeth fell out," thing would get old pretty quickly, I imagine. Maybe its my dentist phobia? Its like every dentist is creepy, now. Or the fact that my health insurance doesn't cover dental? I don't know. I just can't ever lose my teeth. At least not before I hit 67.

If one more guy tells me that Lindsay Lohan looks hot now, I will vomit on him. No for real. Because, no. Gross. She hurts my eyes. Remember when she was actually cute? I miss her.